I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
