I just saw a hot homeless man
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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