need another drink. this is the easiest way
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
