i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
