I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
