no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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