Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
