Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
