so that wasnt chicken after all
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
