this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
