But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
