Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
