The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
