Will you blow on my dice?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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