im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
