You can't motorboat a personality
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
