Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
