My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sarcasm needs its own font
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
