Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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