UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
