worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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