He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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