I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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