i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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