That's when you crack a 10am beer
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
vagina is talking i cant
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
