Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
