lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk is not a location!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
