No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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