That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
