Fuck appropriateness.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
