I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
