she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
