Having a random hookup so left but love u
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
