My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
