I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
