Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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