my sisters under your porch take her home
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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