I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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