dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
