Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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