Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
