my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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