24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
