Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
