Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
