something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
