OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
