They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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