Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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