I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
