Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
